Khalid Sheikh Mohamed will be featured as the 6th season of “Dancing with the Stars” starts in June. Though previously not a fixture on network television, the former terrorist leader is well-known from released taped threat messages to media outlets, and is training several hours a day to prepare for his presentation to a large TV audience.
This follows an extremely successful season 5, in which former Haitian dictator Baby Doc Duvalier won against competition that included TV writer-producer Shonda Rhymes, musician Captain Beefheart, voice actor Jim Dale and the late adventurer Steve Irwin.
Categorized in Entertainment, TV and absurdity
The anticipated spring launch of FOX’s “America’s Top Junkie” was delayed this week when host Gary Busey was forced back into rehab, forcing the hosting duties back to original choice Ryan Seacrest.
“Well I’m honored, obviously,” Seacrest said, “though my prayers are with Gary, that he fully recover, and return to television.”
The network will utilize the Danny Baldwin-produced “America’s Top Alcoholic Deadbeats” as a programming substitute in May.
Categorized in Entertainment, TV and absurdity
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore will be collaborating a new spy film caper, wherein the lack of any observable chemistry is expected to be a selling point to audiences. “Films like the Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, or Brad and Angelina thing in ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith,’ is for a different audience, and frankly, we can’t afford those actors anyway,” said producer Sid Garabedian.
“Tom Thumb and his Wife” (the film’s working title) is expected to start filming in the fall.
Categorized in Entertainment, Film and absurdity
The new Jonas Brothers film and tour have both been banned by German authorities complaining that the musicians are too cute, and likely to cause discomfort to fans and audiences. Prime Minister Angela Merckel made the announcement before a closed session of parliament. “Lawmakers are universal in their disdain for this level of cuteness,” the Prime minister said. “They are too cute.”
In a related development, the country is expexted to start considering the appropriateness of Zac Efron’s work for the general populace.
Categorized in Film, Music and absurdity
In another unprecedented move, former actor Joaquin Phoenix has decided to abandon his hip-hop career, and has sold his hip-hop label, so that he may pursue a military career, and, in particular, a position of mid-level military office in the long ago Spanish Civil War. Though neither a graduate of a military college, or the recipient of any formal training to this point, the former actor insists that his talents and interests lie in this new endeavor fighting the Portugese, and he would like to be left to make the decision without anyone making pre-judgments. In a post on his blog, he says, “There are few who will understand this decision on its face. After all, I very recently went from acting to music, and many would be skeptical about a new start in something else, but I would ask that people withhold pre-judging.”
Phoenix was famously criticized for an appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman, when his request to appear in the future as a hip-hop singer was met with derision. The Spanish Civil War was fought from 1936 to 1939, about 25 years before Phoenix was born, but that is seemingly not a deterrent to the former actor. “This war was a long time ago, but this is my passion,
Categorized in Entertainment, Film, TV and absurdity
In a wide-ranging interview on CBS’ 60 minutes, former Yankees pitcher Roger Clemons asserted that neither evolution or creationism should be taught in public schools in favor of “Some theory that involves wizards or sorcerers, or magic of some kind…fairies and sorcerers.”
Though touching on topics large and small, his interview was most significant for his views on historical facts that he would choose be taught as quite different from the way people see them now. “I have my own belief about how the world came to be, but I want us to teach make believe fairy stories. Why not the dinosaurs arrived on meteors, lets say.
“I’d also like to see these kids taught that the Little Big Horn thing, the Alamo, and the Civil War happened at the same time, not at different times.”
Clemons discussed provincial matters such as denying he knew former player Jose Canseco, who accused him of using steroids as a player in 2008.
Clemons last came to public attention when giving testimony denying steroid use under oath while trainer Brian MacNamee shot him in the buttocks in front of a congressional panel. Congress later considered issuing an indictment for libel for lying under oath to a Congressional panel, but never pursued the charges for unknown reasons.
Categorized in Sports, absurdity and satire
Popular figure “Joe the Plummer,” i.e. Samuel Wurzelbacher, is up for an Academy Award, for his role in the production of the mid-west documenttary, “Life on a Dime,” a credit he pressured the Academy to grant him as an on-location scout. This affords the high profile handyman chance to attend the Academy Awards in Los Angeles, and the chance to sport an Ralph Laurent tuxedo for the occasion. He is expected to attend on the arm of popular sportsmodel Kyra DuPont.
Wurzelbacher has, on occasion, fashioned himself a modern day “Forest Gump,” often in high profile situations by luck or kismet.
This would be the first time, since Yul Brynner’s 1968 win for “The King and I,” that a nominee has an appearance that closely resembles the Oscar statuette.
Categorized in Film and parody
CBS has prepared another series from its popular CSI television stable, this time based out of Toledo, and starring Jimmy Smits and Carey Lowell. “We’re aiming for gritty, rust-belt drama…the intrigue of industry towns,” Smits told Entertainment Weekly. “Plus I need a job.”
The count now goes to 9 for CSI programs on CBS; the newest series follows on the heels of CSI: NY, CSI: Miami, CSI: Carson City, CSI: Crested Butte, and CSI: Boston.
Also new to the fall schedule will be Dick Wolf’s “Law and Order: Cops and Robbers,” starring Richard Belzer and Danny Kortchmar.
Categorized in TV and parody
Fresh from a round of interviews with the major cable news outlets, former Vice President Dick Cheney is announcing he has the first act and several arias completed for a major new opera he hopes to debut at the Met next year. Under the working title, “Nebukeneezer,” he is hoping, as with his recent round of interviews, to “shed light” on the shortcomings of the new Obama administration
“Their sunny optimism hides an evil death mask,” he purportedly told several insiders, unquoted because they were not authorized to speak for Cheney.
Producer Jerry Zucker and actor Ron Silver are attached.
The former vice-president’s wife and daughter are also authors. Lynne Cheney is the author of several children’s books, and self-hating lesbian daughter Mary has written an autobiography.
Categorized in News, Theatre and parody
A despondent Senator John McCain was admitted to Mercy General Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland over the weekend, with impaired immune functioning and exhaustion, and what his spokesman described as “nearly a broken heart.” The Senator had been upset for several days over the debate for passage of economic legislation by Barack Obama and Senate Democrats, muttering bewilderedly to Senate colleagues, “Do they really plan on passing this bill without me?”
The Senators closest confidante, Senator Lindsey Graham explained, “John’s not a young admiral anymore. He’s playing hardball with some pretty tough customers up there, and he doesn’t like it.”
McCain is expected to be detained an additional three weeks, till after the Senate vote, and his condition was described as stable by hospital spokesme
Categorized in News, Politics and satire
